March 18, 2021
What makes you smile? Do more of that! ~Dr. Elijah Nicholas
I remember the first time I “heard” someone call me “Beautiful.” I can see and remember the day as if it were yesterday. I heard it in my head, in the way of a message. I read it once. And then I read it again. “Is he talking about me?” “Surely, he can’t be calling meeee Beautiful.” “Did he mean to send this message to me?”
So, I pondered. And I pondered. And, I pondered some more.
I walked away from the computer (or phone, can’t remember) and I eventually returned.
I read it again. And again. And again. “Yep, he’s talking to me. The message is definitely meant for me. So, I guess he IS talking to me. Am I beautiful?” It wasn’t that I didn’t know I was beautiful. Well, maybe it was. But I think it was more that I had to think long and hard about the last time someone told me I was beautiful. Or, better yet, the last time “I” heard someone say I was beautiful. Maybe it had been said before but perhaps I just didn’t recall or maybe hadn’t responded.
The message you see, had come from one of my uncles. An uncle I communicated with once, maybe twice a year or maybe even once every few years if the stars were aligned. Lol. So not only was I surprised to be called, “Beautiful,” but I was also surprised to receive this message.
I must admit, I was verrrryyyyy uncomfortable. Growing up as a “Tom-Boy” (where that term comes from, I am not sure…research for another day😊) I always viewed myself as more masculine. As such, the (somewhat toxic masculinity) I had come to know as societal norms did not allow me to be called beautiful. This same toxic masculinity did not allow “men” or “boys” to be called beautiful. And since I identified as a masculine woman, I always viewed myself as “handsome.” And, in many respects, I still do. Now, that I have affirmed my identity as the man I am, I know that I am both beautiful AND handsome.
I digress, again.
Somewhere along the way, I had conditioned myself to believe in and even subscribe to the toxic societal norms that are a part of our culture here in America. I had given in to the belief that femininity was for “girls” and masculinity was for “boys.’ Beautiful was feminine and handsome was masculine.
What the what, in the world!?!?!? STOP THE PRESS! HARD TRANSITION! 😮
How this emerged and where the ideology came from is not the purpose of this message. However, I must note it for contextual understanding.
What I will say, NOW is that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I AM indeed Beautiful. I am also handsome. Where this transition in thinking took place was somewhere along the journey of my gender affirmation and transition to “Becoming Elijah.” Becoming Elijah allowed (and allows) me to dig through the muddy waters of low self-esteem, the origins of such, and how to navigate beyond it.
Furthermore, once I began to see the person I have always known and seen (but not physically) in the mirror. I realized the beauty in all that and who I am. Not only that, but once I fully understand the truth behind the biblical scripture that teaches “we are all made in the image and likeness of God,” I really began to “see” and “feel” the beauty that I AM. Further, once I expanded my conscious to understand that not only am I made in the image and likeness of God, but that I AM is in fact IN ME and that I AM God in the flesh, “Beautiful” and “Beauty” took on a whole new meaning. Wow.
How in the world can we not love who we are? 👀 We are God and God is us. I AM God and God IS Me. That, is Beautiful. That, is handsome. That, is all things Good and All things God. 👌 So, the next time someone calls you “Beautiful” smile, nod, and say thank you knowing that you are both and. You are Beautiful AND You are Handsome. 😊
Beautiful, You Are...
I Love 💓 You. God Loves 💓 You.
Be Good to yourself. Be Great to yourself. BE Well.
Namaste ~Dr. Elijah